DARPA Tests Anal Probe for TSA

                                 DARPA Neurophotonic Interface                         (original illustration deleted)

I first posted this on Nov 15, 2010.   Lately, authorities have expressed concern that terrorists might be considering embedding bombs surgically or in body cavities (Business Insider).  This may be an extreme view but one that has been seriously considered before.  Further research has confirmed this (see illustration) and we can only imagine the second generation device approaching First-Article-Test.

I have it on good authority (an acquaintance, Joe, doing 60 months at a local lockup) that drugs and other contraband are often smuggled in a “keester stash.”  In case you’ve never had occasion to use one Joe says its like a cigar tube inserted in the rectum.  If you really want to get something past the guards, Joe says this as good as it gets.

This put me in mind of the current excesses of the Transport Security Administration (TSA to you and me).  Not so long ago there were certainly dangers.  There was the Symbionese Liberation Army, the Baader Meinhoff group, there was Carlos (the jackal), and a few others like the SDS, and the Panthers, not to mention the Klan and associates.  There certainly seemed to be plenty of malcontents in the militias and others to go around.  In those days you could run across the tarmac and get aboard a plane just before the stairs got rolled away.

We are more at risk now and must protect ourselves from the enemy.  I don’t have any data on the incidents per mile flown, but I know someone has.  No matter, the government says we are constantly at risk of being blown out of the air and they should know.  We pay them to know where terrorism is breeding and protect us whether in the air or in Iraq or wherever danger lurks.

It all comes down to the cold war that seemed to ebb for a while has found fertile ground in the fear of the “other” and we’re bound stop it.  Terrorism is on the rise (just as crime is said to be on the rise, despite FBI statistics to the contrary).

To protect our citizens we began to require that people show ID to buy a plane ticket and use a credit card (cash is suspicious).  Then, skipping forward, we were required to put our bags through an x-ray scanner, then to take off our shoes, still later to pass through metal detectors.  Now, since a determined lad filled the pocket of his jockeys with a quarter cup of sugar-like powder, we have the latest imaging device,  which allows us to be stripped to crevices in our skin.  To protect us, to be sure, from all but my informant Joe and his ilk.  Joe carries his stash internally.

Hence, the TSAs final word on protecting us:  the anal/vaginal probe no bigger than a straw with LED illumination for those hard to see areas. This differs from sodomy because it is ostensibly not for pleasure. Granted, this is may be beyond the “Proof of Concept” stage of development at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

Once a few wrinkles are ironed out,  we can be sure that someone will be asking us to bend over before boarding.  Once in line you can’t refuse because you might be a terrorist probing for weak spots in our security shield.  You must bend to the will of your highly trained TSA technicians.  It’s good to be an American because, after all, we are free.


About carlos

I'm a curious person, of reasonable intellect, "on the beach" (retired) and enjoying my interest in anthropology, language, civil rights, and a few other areas. I've been a hippie/student/aerospace tech writer in the '60s, a witness to the Portuguese revolution in the ‘70s, a defense test engineer and witness to the Guatemalan genocide in the '80s, and a network engineer for an ISP in the '90s. Now I’m a student and commentator until my time is up. I've spent time under the spell of the Mesoamerican pyramids and the sweet sound of the Portuguese language. I've lived in Europe, traveled in Brazil, Central America, Iceland, New Zealand, and other places. My preferred mode of travel is with a backpack and I eat (almost) anything local. Somehow, many of the countries I have been to have had civil unrest (for which I was not responsible). I'm open to correspond with anyone who might share my liberal, humanist interests. I live in San Buenaventura, California.
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